The unusual screen time

I am usually not hard on myself. At least I like to think so.

That’s a lie though.

I figured out that having a schedule works much better, because if I don’t … I certainly can go haywire. I look at my phone once again to find another notification from my calendar. It was telling me to cook dinner - I had an early morning meeting the next day. I snoozed it.

It was 5:00 pm, not the best time to cook - I reassured myself. It was time to have a snack, snuggle in bed after a long day’s work, and feed my brain with some scrolling dopamine.

Nah, not today.

I decided to flood myself with caffeine instead.

I was having my second cup of coffee, and the evening golden light highlighted her smile. Sometimes I feel I am the one who is bitter to her. We have deep conversations, and she reminds me every time to not be so hard on myself. So typical of you, she exclaimed. Look back at once, at so many things you have been through - we have been through! Take a break, and start over. I always felt at peace - closer to myself - after talking to her. She is beautiful, isn’t she?

I remembered her sweet smirk, and my lips curved too. How things change over a short span! New Year resolutions do work. The last week of December I was struggling to keep my phone away from me, and a few days later, I didn’t care about it.

It almost felt like going back to school. The internal dialogue between my heart and brain was following the same old ritual.

I don’t want to do it.

There’s no other option.

I am going to suck at it because I really don’t want to.

Just start, better do it now, or you will be screwed.

Ah fine.

Do you want to do this shoddy job? At least put in some effort.

Alright, alright.

Oh, it feels nice… Ohh, maybe I am good at this.

School was a torture. It was like being asked to be creative on demand. Remember writing essays on topics like “If I were the Prime Minister” or even worse “Autobiography of a broken tree”. I always felt it was impossible. Until I passed school and proved myself wrong. I do enjoy my freedom though, of writing what I like.

After all, it is just about saying a big fat NO.

To every thought that says it’s impossible.

To every trigger you hate,

To the song that doesn’t fit the mood,

To the friend who spoils the party,

and to notification which takes you down the scrolling addiction.

But certainly not my calendar. It was time to chop some veggies and call my dad. For he must be waiting for my routine cook-with-your-family call too.

Until next time, happy food, happy life.

PS: I did get my screen time down to 2 hours. It feels wonderful